"You agree that UNREAL Mobile plans are to be used for voice and SMS messaging only between two individuals." Well, there goes the conference feature that they themselves provide, as more than two individuals are involved. And this also means that checking my bank account balance via text message is also prohibited, since I am in fact texting a machine and receiving back an automated response. Or is that OK since it says "individuals" rather than "people?" Still, worse is yet to come.

"UNLIMITED DOES NOT MEAN UNREASONABLE USE. UNLIMITED voice services are provided solely for active live dialog between individuals. UNLIMITED voice services may not be used for monitoring services, data transmissions, transmission of or listening to broadcasts, transmission or receipt of recorded material, machine-to-machine or one-way audio applications, or other connections that do not consist of uninterrupted active, live dialog between individuals." Well, checking the voicemail they provide is also out of the question it seems, since this necessarily requires that I receive recorded material over the voice line. Well, there is visual voicemail for that, but many times I still go oldschool and dial it up. Nope, not happenin' with this company. They can disconnect my call, switch my plan to one that does not offer unlimited voice calls, even terminate my service, just for dialing up my voicemail. By this definition, leaving someone a voicemail could be construed as something that is not live, active, uninterrupted dialogue between individuals. And this doesn't even take into account being on the phone with someone, putting the phone down to answer the door or to go to the bathroom and forgetting about it. I don't do this often, but I'm sure it's a common enough scenario that they'll get someone with this. And then what of the menu tree that I'm sure they have just to talk to a customer service agent? Since this menu tree is obviously not part of live uninterrupted dialogue between individuals, in their sole discretion, the company can consider it unreasonable use and deny service in future, or even drop my call before I ever get the chance to engage in any dialogue. Oh yeah, and that annoying hold music is also a recorded transmission. Well damn.

And now here's the real kicker. A bank got me with this one because I failed to see it before I opened my account. Fortunately, in their sole discretion, they gave me two weeks to move my money. This really is in the terms I'm reading though. "Notwithstanding the foregoing, We reserve the right to deny service, deactivate or cancel existing service to anyone for any reason at any time, in our sole discretion." This means that they could cancel my service plan or even delete my account, giving me no chance in hell of porting my number anywhere else, at any time and for any reason, and they would only tell me that they're about to do it out of the kindness of their hearts, which it seems from these terms and conditions that they do not possess, neither kindness nor hearts.

They call this "Unreal Mobile." It seems there is a reason for this. With these gotchas, there's no way this could be real.